Slight change

just for right now. I was reading a friends blog and as usual, Tammy has many good things to say. She and Kirsten had been talking about prayers and how sometimes God does not answer them the way we want or in ways even, that we understand. Rereading Tammy's post today got me thinking about when we were going through our "journey" and especially at the start.

Did we pray that we wouldn't have to go through it? Sure. I think its safe to say NO PARENT WANTS to submit their child to chemotherapy, to being sick, to having no energy.

Did we pray that she'd be healed, that the tumors would go away? Yes. And no. You might be wondering how we can say both yes, and no. Because when we prayed for it, we specified "if it is YOUR will". Of course, our will would have it never have happend in the first place or for an amazing healing of course. But it comes down to my/our core faith - it is NOT MY WILL that matters, but GODS. So yes, we asked for healing, that the tumors would be gone without Shaylee having to go through even one day of chemo if it was GODS will.

Which then leads people to have asked us if we were angry when God did NOT answer our prayers and heal her. Ask me something simple, like was I sad? Was I disapointed?? YES we were sad, we were crushed that we had to submit her to the rigors of chemo. But were we angry at God?? Ok, briefly..I admit to wondering and asking WHY SHAYLEE?? But angry? No....I honestly don't think I ever was. Like I said, yes, I did ask "why Shaylee" but almost immediately that verse came back, the one I've already mentioned. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." How could I be angry when deep down, I KNEW this was part of Gods plan?

Yes, it was that simple for me. There has NEVER EVER been a day when I didn't believe that. Not one. I know, deep down in my heart of hearts, that God DOES have a reason for this. That somehow, in some way, HE IS GOING TO USE THIS!! He's going to use our experiance. He's going to use Shaylee. He's going to use her story......SOMETHING is going to come from this. I can honestly say that. I can tell you that has been my firm strong hold through the whole thing. I had to hold on to my faith in that, to my belief in the "plans not to harm you, to give you hope and a future" that Jeremiah talks about. That and the verse from Romans I've mentioned before as well (8:28) "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" I just KNOW that God will cause this to work for good. He's already used Shaylee's story to reach out to people in small ways.

My parents live fairly close and we were blessed to have their strong support throughout the journey. Many times they'd take the kids, or take Shaylee so we could focus on Shaylee or the other kids depending. They constantly were available to help and continually prayed. The church I grew up in, was ALWAYS praying and to this day people are asking how Shaylee is doing. My folks owned their own business and had wonderful employee who was VERY kind and sweet to my kids. Gerd would always ask how Shaylee was, and tell us he was praying. He was not from the US, and English was not his first language, but he played piano BEAUTIFULLY, and his wife sang. Many times he'd come to my parents house/home office to get papers when were were there and would laugh to see Shaylee singing "Open the Eyes Of My Heart" which was, and is, one of her favorite songs of all times. He shared with my parents some months into Shaylee's treatments, long after he'd stopped working for my folks, that one Sunday at church when he and his wife were leading the singing, they'd stopped and shared Shaylee's story. He told about how she was going through chemo, but said that depsite all that, she still had the JOY that God gave her, and a faith in God, that was so simple. They sang "Open the Eyes Of My Heart" for her, for HIM............and it had an incredible impact on their church.

Another friend asked us to use Shaylee's story as the main forcus of his sermon one Sunday. So we drove the 40 min so we could be there to support him. Jerry is an amazing man, and if you are a Michael W Smith fan, and have heard his song "Kentucky Rose" , you've heard Jerry's personality clear as day. We love this man. He did such an awsome job conveying what Shaylee was going through, how SHE never lost her faith in God, taht God loves her. That He provided her with kind doctors and nurses. SHE UNDERSTOOD that even as young as she was. Once again, God used that to reach people.

So yes, I have NO DOUBT that this is for a reason. Did God answer our prayers of healing?? Yes. He simply said "no, not right now. not that way, I have other plans for her"