Those first days

after Shaylee's port was placed were - - crazy. I can distinctly remember the FEAR, the uncertainty and unknown. I'm sure that sounds redundent but there was just so much we didn't know! We didn't know that the surgery would take an hour longer - WITHOUT anyone telling us why at the time! We didn't know she'd react to the codeine and start seeing and hearing things that weren't there - a man in the window who was out to get her, the cat that was going to eat her (and this is a VERY placid laid back cat!), all the agresssion and anger she showed. Stopped the codiene, and the behavior stopped - only needed regular tylenol once but my it was easier on everyone!

I remember my father in law came to visit right after her port was placed (did I mention that was done the day before our anniversary??) for the first time since either of the girls were born. He'd never met our girls, but this was enough for him to come out to see them. I remember the look on his face when Shaylee showed him her scar and bruise from the port placement, and how very gentle and protective he was of her after that moment. To this day, he's always extra gentle with her. He told me just before he got ready to leave to go back to Colorado that he didn't know WHY he'd waited so long to come out (it had been almost 3yrs I think) but that it would NOT be that long again....and he has come out once a year since then.

I can remember the fear of knowing we were choosing to put all those chemicals into her little body - and the fear of what they'd do to "SHAYLEE" the personality. At that point, we'd talked to all the doctors, we knew all the risks - both of doing the chemo and NOT doing the chemo. We'd talked to our family, prayed, so many things. Now it was almost time to start the real part, the hard part of the journey. We posted on Sept 11th about being close to starting time.....

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Thursday, September 11, 2003 3:54 PM
Today is Shaylee's big brother Thane's birthday! Happy Birthday Thane!!!!Shaylee has been doing good. All the steri-strips came off without any problems. She is MUCH more comfortable talking about her port now and will show people where her surgery was. She talks about going for surgery, and how she's going to the doctor for her medicine soon, and they'll put it in her port. Its a real relief to see her more comfortable with it. I know this isn't going to be easy but it is comforting to see her adapting. She's an amazing girl.Her first Chemo treatment is next Tuesday, on the 16th. I think we're all a little nerveouse about it. How can we not be?? Daddy and I will take her to the hospital and Grandma/Grandpa will come stay with Narissa and be here when the boys get home from school. We are blessed to have them so close and willing to help. Its a big relief to know the kids are taken care of.Will update agian when we can. Many thanks for the prayers and love.

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James wasn't working at the time, things were VERY very tight financially, but I'm so greatful that it worked out that he could come to the first few appointments with us. It made things "easier" in many ways. Its funny - not "haha funny" but "hmmm, strange funny" the way things happen sometimes. Just before time to go in for her first chemo, my dad ended up in the hospital. He had an IV, the whole shabang. So when the time came for Shaylee's chemo, the IV and pole were familiar, and she was comfortable with them......... That helped alot! She was still a bit scared, and did NOT like the "poke" of them accessing the port site, but that was mostly fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. I remember wanting to cry, but not being able to because I didnt' want to upset Shaylee...............